Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
did you just send me my own nude
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
