My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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