o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
