Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
