I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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