He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
