i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
