i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
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I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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