help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
