Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
