having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
