Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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