Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
