Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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