I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
