you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
