I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize