oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
