Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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