So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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