ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let the clothes fall where they may.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
