This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
