hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
