Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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