what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
