literally had 100 drinks last night.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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