I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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