the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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