You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
