Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
