it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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