good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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