From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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