"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
