Duck Duck Cougar?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
