woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!