I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
