I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's always time for handjobs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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