You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
