I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
