if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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