508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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