worst night to have a conscience
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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