matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
