i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
