Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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