I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
