It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
