1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
