Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
