Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's never too late to be topless.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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