at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
