You can't special order awesome
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
