Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
