Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
