My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
