I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
