I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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