No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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