guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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