Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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