If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
