my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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