She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
